Monday, August 22, 2011

Laws of Parenting

Since I have been thinking quite a bit about the prospects of being a mother and the fact that I am an aunt to a zillion little kids and have tons of friends with wee ones, I found this post and found it quite humourous.

crappy laws of parenting, top 8 countdown...illustrated with crappy pictures™

I have two kids. This means that if one kid does x and the other one does y then I can conclude that 50% of all children do x and 50% of all children do y. This makes me a parenting expert.
Since I'm an expert, I've decided to start a new series called the Crappy Laws of Parenting based on my scientific research. Here is a countdown of the first eight laws. There are more. Tons more. But if I didn't stop at eight I'd never finish this post.
Crappy Law of Parenting #8 (belated poop warnings)
When a toddler spontaneously says something like "No Poops!" while in the pool or bathtub, it is not an accurate status update.  Poop has already been produced.
Crappy Law of Parenting #7 (volume control)
Lawsparenting2When the phone rings, children will detect the level of importance and adjust their volume accordingly.
Telemarketer calls to get you to switch car insurance? Silence.
Husband calls to discuss dinner plans? Murmurs.
Friend calls to tell you a funny story? Slightly louder than inside voices. 
Family calls to tell you about a cousin's heart condition. Yelling. 
Work calls with concerns about your ability to work from home? Cacophonous shrieks. Deafening.
And so on.
Crappy Law of Parenting #6 (naps are never safe)
If you've remembered to turn off your phone ringer during a nap, the doorbell will ring. Followed by loud knocking.
If you go to the door, it will be someone trying to sell you something you don't want. If you pretend to not be home, you'll find out later it was a friend bringing you chocolate and wine.  She tried to call you, but your ringer was off.
Either way, it wakes up the baby.

Crappy Law of Parenting #5 (inappropriate art surfaces)
Lawsparenting6 Dry-erase markers will be used on everything except the dry-erase board.
Crappy Law of Parenting #4 (the swearing parrot)

Lawsparenting5 They are very precise about pinpointing the very best words to repeat over and over.
Crappy Law of Parenting #3 (video cameras and genius defection)

The presence of a video camera immediately eradicates any talent they were just demonstrating.

Crappy Law of Parenting #2 (quiet destruction)
Lawsparenting7 The moment you think "they sure are quiet" it is already too late.
You run, but you can't run fast enough.
Sometimes, sometimes what you find in the quiet will not be what you were expecting.
Which brings me to my all-time favorite law because it is totally awesome...

For Rule #1 Click Here to read.

So moms, dads, aunts, uncles, grandmas and grandpas, what rules can you add to this? (I don't need a crappy picture drawing to prove your point).
Happy Monday.


Aimee said...

LOL, thanks, I enjoyed reading :)

Lauren said...

I was laughing pretty hard while reading this! So funny, and so true! Thanks for sharing.